Oh, so THIS is what it means to be a waitress.

The bar/restaurant that I work for just started making the night I work karaoke night. Of all the people that work there, I am the only one who had something nice to say about it. That's putting it lightly. I was ecstatic. What greater excuse is there to go to karaoke every week? How cool is it to be the hidden talent of the waitstaff? How much more likely is it that I can drag people to visit me at work?

The guy was taking song requests, too, for when nobody else wanted to sing. I asked him to play "Hello Mary Lou" by Ricky Nelson, and I think he didn't know whether to shit or go blind. And, in his book, he had my signature karaoke song: "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms. My kickball bar and my regular karaoke bar don't, so this was thrilling.

By the end of the night...
I made more money than I did during the NBA playoffs.
My boss kissed me. Twice.*
A customer asked me to be in his band.**

All this time I've been sitting at the hostess desk, eating nachos and reading books. THIS is what waitressing, as I always imagined it, anyway, is all about!

* I could do without this.
** Pretty cool, actually. As his band is not of the Gin Blossoms cover variety, I think he will soon see that he doesn't want me in his band.

At least I meet somebody's requirements...

I'm on a job application kick like you wouldn't believe, and as I have had, on average, one interview per 50 jobs I've applied for (really!), I'm just going to keep applying willy-nilly until somebody offers me a job.

That said, I made the first step in applying for a flight attendant position with Delta. My favorite question was:

Are you willing to serve peanuts?

Really.

Deliverance

I'm calling in an order to a publishing company in Virginia, and the hold music is "Dueling Banjos".

I'm worried that this might set the tone of the day.

I'm also worried that they don't realize how funny that is.

A note I made at work some time ago.

My coworker just reminded me of a post-it I left for her after spending a day placing publisher orders. On this particular occasion I had been placing an order with Perseus Distrubution for a book on prejudice.

My note read like this :

The word was prejudice.
She pronounced it « Pray Judas »
Then she corrected herself,
Pre-Justice.

How much of this response is canned, I wonder?

Hi Jessica ,

Thanks for listening to 105.7 WROR and thanks for your comments about our programming.

Here at WROR, we find Christmas fun and worthy of celebrating. With Thanksgiving next week, we thought it we’d get into the spirit now. Led by Loren and Wally, we are all excited to celebrate the season by having some fun and playing Boston’s Favorite Christmas Songs. I’m sorry you don’t agree.

We will try to vary up the list, although there are only so many Christmas songs that are good and that people like.

Hopefully, when the spirit of fun touches you, you might join us. Santa will be available to talk to kids of all ages weeknights from 6 to 8.

I appreciate you taking the time to write and appreciate your loyal listening over the years.

We will return to playing Boston’s Greatest Hits on December 26.

Wh-why, exactly?

Best Voicemail Ever

I skipped my usual Tuesday plans at Whitney's in Harvard Square because I got tickets to the Best of Boston party on Carson Beach. This morning I got the Best Voicemail Ever.

Jonny K:
So, --Lindsay Lohan
You are going to some party in Southie...on the beach?
You ditched your friends?
Do you know - do you know what you're making me do? I have not smoked
In six weeks
And I am going
Across the street
To 7-11
And I'm going to buy a delicious delicious pack of Camel Lights
And then I'm going to smoke them outside
In your absence
And every single one of them, I will be like
Mmmm, Jess. Mullen.
And then I'm going to put on that fucking CD that
You owe me
Oooooo
I'm dumb, she's a lesbian
Yeah, the Pink Triangle song?
Josh says I'm so drunk but this is the only way
I can get you to feel
GUILTY
Yeah. Yeeeaaah.

So yeah, I'm gonna smoke outside
And sing the Pink Triangle song
And be like so.......

Alright.

Whatevuh.

You can be in Southie.

You better be wearing a bikini
Because, y'know, that's uh
That's what you uh
I mean, honestly, that's what I'd wear, like
A bikini and a sarong
And like five-inch stiletto heels
Like that'd be hot
.....in Southie,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHA!!

You should hear like what everyone's say--
No
Anyway alright bye
Wha--
No, but like
Bikini Southie sarong?

Yeah you're working that party
Yeah
Yeah
That's good

Oh my god
My goodness my Guinness
Where's the Guinness?
There's like a lobster--

Emma:
Goodbye. Goodbye, Jess.

Exeunt.