Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Best Voicemail Ever

I skipped my usual Tuesday plans at Whitney's in Harvard Square because I got tickets to the Best of Boston party on Carson Beach. This morning I got the Best Voicemail Ever.

Jonny K:
So, --Lindsay Lohan
You are going to some party in Southie...on the beach?
You ditched your friends?
Do you know - do you know what you're making me do? I have not smoked
In six weeks
And I am going
Across the street
To 7-11
And I'm going to buy a delicious delicious pack of Camel Lights
And then I'm going to smoke them outside
In your absence
And every single one of them, I will be like
Mmmm, Jess. Mullen.
And then I'm going to put on that fucking CD that
You owe me
Oooooo
I'm dumb, she's a lesbian
Yeah, the Pink Triangle song?
Josh says I'm so drunk but this is the only way
I can get you to feel
GUILTY
Yeah. Yeeeaaah.

So yeah, I'm gonna smoke outside
And sing the Pink Triangle song
And be like so.......

Alright.

Whatevuh.

You can be in Southie.

You better be wearing a bikini
Because, y'know, that's uh
That's what you uh
I mean, honestly, that's what I'd wear, like
A bikini and a sarong
And like five-inch stiletto heels
Like that'd be hot
.....in Southie,

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHA!!

You should hear like what everyone's say--
No
Anyway alright bye
Wha--
No, but like
Bikini Southie sarong?

Yeah you're working that party
Yeah
Yeah
That's good

Oh my god
My goodness my Guinness
Where's the Guinness?
There's like a lobster--

Emma:
Goodbye. Goodbye, Jess.

Exeunt.

2 comments:

Jeff said...

I think what I love most about this is the fact that it's in poetry form. The already hilarious content of the message becomes something sublime, transcendent in verse form.

It puts to mind the poems of D. H. Rumsfeld:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1761585

Also, excellent usage of "exeunt."

Sean said...

pure poetry! Jonny K